Thursday, December 9, 2010

An Open Letter to The Fertiles in My Life

Sorry it's been a little while; I've been ill with the stomach flu. Loads of fun let me assure you. What I thought was an innocent case of sugar indulgence in my son was actually the dreaded stomach flu, 2 days after he got it, I did.

I'm happy to report I am on the mend and feeling much better!

Now, to my topic of the moment. As horrible as the stomach flu is, nothing can compare to the stomach churning, acid inducing gastrointestinal pain that is an insensitive fertile. I have a friend who has been a friend for a long time, she knows my situation. She knowingly and voluntarily got sterilized after the birth of her last child. yet, she still feels the need to tell me about every, single pregnant person she knows of. She also feels the need to tell me that her hubby wants another and she "can't" have anymore, at least "without it costing a lot more." She is also convinced that it will "just happen" and they will have another by accident.

Really? Do you realize who you are talking to? I didn't choose to not have anymore children, it was thrust (quite unfairly) upon me! I want more children, I like  children! I don't complain constantly about my son! I truly cannot believe that she talks to me about the things she does knowing what I'm going through and I CAN'T EVEN GET PREGNANT!

Let me ask you a question fertiles: do you not realize just how insensitive and mean you are being? Do you not realize that when you tell us all about every pregnant woman you know it makes us sadder, madder and less likely to talk to you??  Do you realize that while it may be easy for you and others around you to conceive as many as you want so to flaunt your form of birth control and then lament it's necessity and permanence is like a big, fat, slap in the damn face??!!!

I just want to say this: I try very hard not to be bitter, and spiteful and hateful. That being said: stop it. It's hurtful.

I in no way, shape, or form begrudge you your children, are unhappy when you conceive or don't want to be told. I just would really appreciate it if you would call someone who is not struggling with infertility and talk about other's pregnancies/tubals/frustration of their 5 kids.

I want to talk about a dear friend's pregnancy and children, but please if you have any love for me as a friend, be conscious of the fact that I would, and am doing, anything to have your swollen feet, sore back, sleepless nights and easy ability to decide and then conceive a baby. I can't. I'm jealous and mad and incredibly heartbroken. Respect that. Respect that mt situation is difficult and there are other people that you can discuss these things with.

You know how you don't want to talk about infertility with me all the time? Well, I don't want to discuss your "inability" to have children due to your tubal, or all the accidental pregnancies that you hear about or how if I would "just relax," or "take a break," it would happen.

Thank you to all the people that support me, fertiles and infertiles alike! I couldn't make it through without you.

To those who are not a supportive as I might like, or who don't understand: I hope that this letter helps you see how much it hurts. I hope that this letter gives you a little insight into something I hope you never have to feel for yourself. I hope that you read this and become closer to me and not pushed away by a pain that is hard to deal with and harder to help with.

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.  ~William Blake


  1. You go girl! Ok but seriously, I totally know what you mean. Its beyond me that people actually think it is fun for us to hear that "everyone is pregnant". I have a friend who says that ALL THE TIME, "oh my gosh all of my friends is pregnant!" Im like um what about me....thanks for that! :/

  2. Katrina I love you and this is so cool you have a blog up. i hope it help and you know i will kick the shit out of any prego that come your way. lol JK lauren