2010 has been a hard year for me, and subsequently my family. I was diagnosed with PCOS in Feb after a little over a year of trying on our own. I started out hopeful, assuming that the drugs would do their jobs and *poof* I'd be pregnant. Nine months later instead of looking at a bawling, pink face; I'm staring at the business end of yet another round of fertility treatments, mounting debt and a sex life (and sometimes marriage) that's in the toilet.
There are so many things, however, that I am thankful for this year. I feel the need to list them, mostly for my own benefit; so that I can see the many good things that have happened to me and all the amazing people in my life:
1. My son turned 2 this year. He is healthy and happy and thank the Lord potty trained!
2. Potty trained. Nothing more need be said :)
3. My husband. He has put forth a gallant effort to get me pregnant all while super commuting, working a stressful job and pursuing his dream job. He's my shoulder to cry on, my vest friend, my greatest enemy, my lover, and my fellow infertility warrior. I love you.
4. My family. I don't know what I would do w/othem. My mom is my best friend, my Nana is my hero and I have a few really special cousins that are always in my corner.
5. My brothers. They deserve their own number b/c they have been my best friends and biggest support over the years. I wanted sisters but you guys are ok.
6. My "TTC" friends. You know who you are, I would not have been able to get through this year w/o your support and understanding. In particular my friend Kate, whom I have never "met" but feel as if she was a sister. A soul-cyster. Thanks for making me feel better about being bitter, thankful for my blessings, and a good laugh never hurt either. Good grannies girl I'm so glad I met you!
7. My health. In this journey trying to get pregnant over the last 20 months I've lost 50 lbs, quit smoking, got off of blood pressure meds, and get daily exercise. I have more energy, feel better about myself and if nothing else I'll be around longer for Cian.
8. Baking. There are just some days that I would not have been able to get through w/o a cookie or a brownie or something that I know I shouldn't have eaten. In particular those God-awful days when AF shows.
Sometimes you get the obvious support, the kind that you ask for. The "I'm sorries," and "it will happens." The obligatory hugs and "sad faces" online.
Then there is the support you don't ask for. The random call from a good friend just because your text "seemed a little off." The unbidden hugs and kisses from my son and husband and mother because I looked like I needed one. The incredible feeling of love and empathy that pours out of a computer screen when 100,000 women that you've never met are rooting for that second line.
I am truly blessed and sometimes I need to remind myself how wonderful my life really is. So I implore you, this year when sitting around the table with family and friends, don't bemoan the things you don't have (yet) or feel sad about the faces you don't see. What matters is the tangible and very real love and hope that these holidays represent.
Happy Thanksgiving blogland, thanks for listening.
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